Diamond Dust
by R. M. Jackson
Summary: AU. Literati. After seven years of struggling to get his life back in order, Jess opens the door to a familiar face one morning that turns everything upside down again. Sequel to Diamonds and Rust.
1. Diamonds and Rust

Here it is. The first chapter of Diamond Dust. I don't know about you, but I'm as excited as anything for this fic. If you haven't read Diamonds and Rust, you probably won't understand the character mannerisms or what's going on. I'm sure you could read this without Diamonds and Rust, but there's no explaining the differences in the characters. All the scenes in italics are past events. That's how the gaps will be filled in due to missing time. Remember that Diamond Dust is set **seven years** after the end of Diamonds and Rust.

Thank you for all the response on Diamonds and Rust! Diamond Dust could not exist if it weren't for all of you. I love hearing from everyone, even if I don't always get a chance to reply.

Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls does not belong to me, nor do any of the lyrics that show up here.

* * *

_I'll be damned, here comes your ghost again__  
__But that's not unusual__, i__t's just that the moon is full__  
__And you decided to call_

_And here I sit, hand on the telephone__  
__Hearing the voice I'd known__ a__ couple of light years ago__  
__Headed straight for a fall_

* * *

Jess assembled a mental checklist as he grabbed his belongings, toting them into the living room where he could sprawl out on the couch and spread his books across the coffee table. After setting up his work space, he poured coffee into his favorite mug and settled into the worn middle section of his sofa.

Sunday mornings were a favorite of Jess Mariano, for they were when he got all his work done. As a graduate student at Columbia University, there was a lot of work that needed to be done on the weekends. Unfortunately, most of his lesson plans and grading took up the time he needed to write papers. Jess taught high school English and was eternally swamped when it came to his to-do list.

Which was why, in the middle of writing a paper, he was a bit peeved that his phone was ringing. Most people knew not to call Jess when he was scrambling to get things done for Monday morning, which was usually when he handed back assignments. Sighing, he tossed his notepad and laptop aside in favor of the ringing phone.

"Mariano," he answered sharply, hoping it wasn't a student that needed assistance on the project that was due the next morning.

"Jess?"

He nearly dropped the phone. She didn't even need to tell him who she was. Jess knew. Immediately, he hardened. His voice caught in his throat and his breath became shallow. There were a million questions he felt he should ask and an equal number of explanations that she should give. Somehow, none of that mattered at that very moment.

Slowly, he collected himself and hoped that she hadn't hung up. "What? Why are you…?" his voice hitched in his throat as he tried to complete the sentence because he couldn't find the words. There were too many days he had wasted, spent them wishing she would call, contact him in any way, shape, or form.

"I'm outside your door," she admitted softly.

He almost dropped the phone in shock. Everything that he wanted to say escaped his mind as he sat wordless on the couch, mouth agape. "Okay," he said simply. Jess let the phone fall to his side as he padded over to the front door of his apartment. Every footstep felt heavier than last until he wondered how long it was taking him to walk across the room. Hesitantly, he reached forward and opened the heavy door. "Rory," he said, shaking his hair with disbelief.

Her dress was wrinkled and her hair was a mess. She was slimmer than she had been as a teenager, making her a waif. They stood in the doorway for what felt like hours before Jess spoke up.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I didn't know where else to go." Jess accepted the vague answer and let her into his apartment, shutting the door as he guided her into his living room. His books were still scattered across the couch and coffee table, notes left abandoned on his computer screen. Quickly, Jess brushed the texts away and shut his laptop.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, slightly calmer. He realized it was a repeat question, but he felt she owed him an explanation.

Rory shook her head. She had just sat down on his sofa as far away from him as she could manage. "Maybe I should just go," she finally said, getting to her feet.

"No." Jess tugged on her arm and brought her back down to her seat. "I just think that after all these years…" he paused. "It's been a long time."

"I know," she said.

"You can't even say I didn't try to keep in touch," he mentioned defensively. "Because I did."

She knew he did. Every single Christmas and birthday card she had received for seven years was filed away.

"And you never even responded once. I sent you Christmas card after birthday card. Don't you dare pretend I never did. How hard would it have been for you to just drop a line in the mail? With every Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday I sent you! I'm sure you got the congratulations note when you graduated Harvard," he snapped. "But that doesn't matter in the end. You're the one who walked away, so why should you be the one doing any reconciling?" He was bitter. The one thing Jess had become increasingly adept in was being bitter. He should have been able to let this go, let her go, but he just couldn't.

"I moved on," Rory said.

"So have I," Jess snarled, sitting back on the couch and folding his arms.

"Then why the cards and letters?" she asked.

"It was easier than going home," he said. "I wanted to be friends, I always wanted to be friends, and we used to be friends. I know that's too far back for you to remember, but we were."

* * *

_ "Jess, good to hear from you," Luke said, answering the phone._

_ "Yeah. It's a thrill," Jess replied, absentmindedly twirling his finger around his shoelace. _

_ "Are you coming home soon?" Luke asked. "It's been awhile and you did spend the summer in California to attend that summer program."_

_ Jess shook his head. Breaking this news to Luke was one of the hardest things he had ever done. It took second place to the airport scene alone. "I was just calling to check in."_

_ "So you're not coming home?" he clarified. Jess could hear the drop in his uncle's tone. At first, he had sounded excited to hear from the young man. Now he sounded flat and uninterested. _

_ "I'm not coming home," Jess confirmed._

_ "You can't avoid her forever," Luke pointed out, hurt that he couldn't even swing a trip to Stars Hollow just to come home for a little while. All he was asking for was a couple of days._

_ "I'm not trying to avoid her," Jess snapped._

_ "Then why send her a birthday card?" Luke pressed. "Lorelai said she was in tears the entire day."_

_ "I didn't want to make her cry," Jess snapped. "I just wanted her to know I was still here."_

_ "You broke up with her," Luke pointed out._

_ "I did not break up with her," Jess argued. "All I wanted to do was go back to being friends so that we could work it out. _She _walked away from _me_, in case that wasn't clear."_

_ "Okay."_

_ "Exactly. I just needed some time. And then that Columbia transfer ended up working out-"_

_ "That's why you didn't want to go."_

_ Jess sighed. "There was no reason to any more."_

_ "You could have been closer. You wouldn't shut up about New York and Columbia last year and now all of a sudden you don't want to go."_

_ "I don't want to go," Jess reaffirmed. "I'd rather stay in California."_

_ "Permanently," Luke finished._

_ Jess shifted nervously, but said nothing._

_ "That's what the phone call is about, isn't it?" Luke demanded. "You're not coming back at all."_

_ The words were scratching at the base of his throat, but Jess couldn't work them out. _

_ "Jess Mariano," Luke warned._

_ "Yeah."_

_ "Yeah?"_

_ "I don't want to go back," Jess admitted softly, knowing it would break Luke's heart._

_ Luke knew all along this was going to happen, especially after the split between Jess and Rory. There was no arguing with Jess about the situation. He was going to do whatever he wanted to do. "Okay."_

_ "Okay?" Jess asked nervously. He had been expecting more of a fight._

_ "Yeah. Okay. Stay in California," Luke said. "You don't want to run into her here. Just don't let her drive you out of your home," he reminded him. "This is your town too."_

_ But Jess thought he was older and wiser, not really running away from his problems by staying away from them to begin with._

* * *

"So I haven't seen you in seven years and the you pop up at my door. In New York. Last I heard you were still living in Connecticut. Why the trip?"

She hesitated. "I got your address off the Christmas card," she admitted.

"Okay. That explains how you know where I live," he said, "but it doesn't explain why you're here on a Sunday afternoon."

"He asked me to marry him."

Jess let out a disgruntled sigh. "The boyfriend?"

"Yeah."

"So you took a personal trip to New York just to tell me that?" he asked.

"No." Rory shook her head. "I didn't know what else to do, so I took off."

Jess leaned closer to her. "Did you say yes?"

"I didn't say no."

He caught a glimpse of the stone that adorned her left ring finger. Jess sat back and let the news register in his brain. For years, it had taken him leaps and bounds to get over Rory Gilmore. There was a part of him that still wasn't over her and regretted the decision to be "just friends" that lead her to walk away from him because they didn't see eye to eye. He had been on a few dates. Hell, he even had a girlfriend or two. It just didn't feel the same to Jess and he eventually gave up on the dating scene, replacing fun with graduate school. "Do you need a place to stay?" he asked hesitantly.

"Yeah." She hung her head. This was not exactly the way she wanted to reconnect with her best friend, the only man she had ever loved.

He wasn't even sure he should let her stay, but Jess did. He even made up the couch for her. There was no way he was letting her take his bed just a couple hours after crawling back to him.

* * *

_"Christmas. Just come for Christmas," Luke found himself begging._

_ "No! I don't want to come for Christmas," Jess snapped. He knew this phone call was going to turn into business rather than pleasure. _

_ "But you haven't been home in two years," Luke pointed out. He had feared the worst when Jess and Rory split up and stopped talking, and that was that Jess would never step foot in Stars Hollow again._

_ "It hasn't been that long." It had. Jess knew it; he just didn't want to admit it._

_ "I think it's actually been longer," Luke said. _

_ "Why don't you come here?" Jess suggested. He did miss his uncle, but he wasn't willing to go back to Stars Hollow._

_ "Because I would rather stay here. I don't want to close the diner."_

_ "Of course," Jess sighed. "Maybe some other time, then."_

_ "Sure."_

_ There was a pause from his line. "Hey, Luke?"_

_ "Yeah?"_

_ "Is she okay? You know, is she doing good?" he asked hesitantly._

_ "I haven't seen her in a while," Luke answered. "She's got a new boyfriend."_

_ Jess nodded, aware that Luke couldn't see him from the other line. "Good. That's… that's good."_

_ "She doesn't really come around all that often anymore," Luke added, hoping that would possibly coerce Jess into coming home for at least a week._

_ "Okay."_

_ "So I'll see you soon?" Luke asked._

_ "Yeah. Soon."_

* * *

The scent of fresh brewed coffee woke up Rory from her slumber on the couch. Jess was already dressed in a red button down shirt that was tucked into his black dress pants. Rubbing her eyes, Rory came to on the couch and realized what she was doing in Jess's living room.

"Coffee's on the burner," Jess said, sensing the movement from across the room.

Rory pulled at the hem of the long t-shirt she was wearing. "Coffee," she said, nodding.

"Help yourself," he said, eyes moving back to the page of the newspaper he was reading.

He had already set out a cup for her, so Rory poured the liquid and sat down at the kitchen table across from Jess. "Are you going to work?" Rory asked, realizing how little she knew about Jess these days.

He flipped his wrist to look at his watch. "In about twenty minutes," he said. "It's early. I'm surprised you're awake."

"I didn't really sleep all that well last night," she admitted, taking a sip of the coffee. It tasted almost like Luke's coffee, which reminded her that she needed to call Lorelai and at least tell her she was with Jess in New York.

Jess took a long sip of his coffee and placed the mug back on the table. "I know nothing about you," he said suddenly.

"What?"

"You're in my apartment, wearing my shirt, sleeping on my couch, drinking my coffee. I haven't seen you in seven years. I know nothing about you."

She paused. "There isn't much that changed."

"I know you graduated from Harvard."

"Yeah. I got the card."

"Great, glad to hear it." Jess went back to his coffee, unsure of where he could deter the conversation so that it was safer.

"I don't know anything about you, either," she said.

"Except my phone number and where I live?" he asked.

"You gave those to me," she accused.

"Not personally. I didn't invite you to come here on a whim and my number just happens to be on my address labels."

"You didn't have to stick on an address label then," she argued.

"And write out everything? I've got enough stuff to mail that I didn't want to."

"We're arguing again," Rory pointed out.

"I'm at Columbia for grad school and I teach high school English."

"Mr. Mariano?" she said. "You teach?"

"I teach," he reaffirmed. "It's been almost three years since I started."

"That's…good," she said.

"I have to go," he said. "Will you be here when I get back?" Part of him wanted her to disappear while he was at school. Then could he reconstruct and try to move on again. But he also wanted her to be curled up on his couch, wearing his shirt, drinking his coffee, when he returned.

"Is that an invitation?" she asked meekly.

"You've got a week," he found himself saying. "But then I need my life to go back to the way it was."

"A week. Okay."

Jess shrugged on his leather jacket and grabbed his messenger bag by the door before letting himself out of the apartment.

* * *

_Luke didn't like airplanes, which was part of the reason why it took him so long to visit Jess in California. He had not seem his nephew in a little over two years, not since he arrived home for the summer after his freshman year when he took his car and drove all the way back to California. Now that Luke couldn't even bribe Jess to come home, he knew he needed to suck it up and get on a plane to the west coast._

_ He looked…good. Great even. His hair was still an out of control mess, spiked up in the front with liberally applied gel. He was slim, lean, and toned with an even tan from being out in the sun so often. He also looked happy, which, Luke noted, was important. There was no scowl to be seen on his nephew's face. _

_ "Luke!" Jess's hand shot up as he spotted his Uncle. He jogged toward him and they embraced in a manly family hug. _

_ "It's good to see you," Luke said, patting Jess on the back._

_ Jess grinned. "Good to see you too." They strolled in the general direction of baggage claim and waited for Luke's suitcase to make its way around. "Any problems on the flight?" he asked._

_ "Nah. Smooth sailing." Luke spied his bag and grabbed it off the conveyor belt. _

_ "We got an air mattress for you," Jess said, grabbing his keys out of the pocket of his jeans. "So you don't have to sleep on the couch."_

_ "Great," Luke said._

_ Jess validated his parking and they walked through the garage to where his car was parked. Luke marveled how grown up Jess seemed to be, though he was sad to have missed the last few years of his transformation._

* * *

"Hello?" Luke grumbled.

"Rory Gilmore slept on my couch last night," Jess said, pulling out of his parking spot.

"Good morning to you, too," Luke said.

"Did you hear me?" Jess asked. "I said, Rory slept on my couch last night."

"Heard you."

"So? Aren't you going to say anything?"

"Nope."

"Why not?" Jess begged. He paused. "Why is she here?"

"I think you should probably ask her that question."

"Are you being evasive because Lorelai is sitting right in front of you with coffee?"

Luke sighed. "No."

"Well, you gotta give me something because she's apparently going to be there when I get back from work."

"Her boyfriend asked her marry him and she freaked. Lorelai figured she was going to do something drastic."

"Like driving to New York and showing up at my apartment?"

"Hey, you're the one who handed her the address on a silver platter."

"I sent her a Christmas card."

"You sent her _several_ Christmas cards," Luke reminded him. "And birthday cards too, if you happened to forget."

"I wasn't going to send any this year," Jess said, trying to save his pride.

"Sure. Okay," Luke said, rolling his eyes.

"So Lorelai is just going to let her stay with me?" Jess asked.

"I guess so. She hasn't said anything since Rory disappeared yesterday."

"Great." Jess pulled into his designated parking spot in the staff lot and killed the ignition. "As much as I'd love to continue this endearing and informative conversation, I need to get to my classroom."

"Okay," Luke said. "I'll talk to you soon." He paused. "Hey, Jess."

"Yeah?" Jess asked, about to hang up.

"Go easy on her."

"Yeah." Jess waited until he heard the click of the other line and stuffed his phone in his pocket. The perfect start to a Monday morning. And he had hated them enough before.

* * *

_Jess stared at the back of her head as she walked out of the airport. Everything was moving in slow motion. His feet felt cemented in place. He wanted to yell or run after her, but she was right; his plane was leaving. Sucking in a deep breath, Jess grasped the strap on his carry on until his knuckles turned white. This was it. His new life alone was going to start as soon as he stepped on that plane. _

_ When Jess woke up in California, it felt like someone had shoved an ice pick into his chest. But the plane was not the place for him to start panicking. Jess needed to wait until he got back to his dorm room to really digress. And he should probably call Luke. His mind raced with the upcoming events as the plane landed. He took another deep breath as they touched ground and let it out slowly._

_ The entire trip back to Stanford felt like a blur. After paying the cab driver, Jess stewed in the elevator and finally made it up to his room where he threw himself on the bed and finally allowed himself to get the entire ordeal out of his system._

* * *

_What hurts the most__ i__s being so close__  
__And having so much to say__  
__And watching you walk away__  
__And never knowing__ w__hat could have been__  
__And not seeing that loving you__ i__s what I was trying to do_


	2. Welcome to New York

Wow. I am absolutely floored by the response to the beginning of Diamond Dust. I'm trying to get up to speed with all my review replies for this and my other updates. I wanted to get this up before the weekend was over, but there was a part that wasn't cooperating so I saved it for today.

This chapter sees Rory and Jess starting to get reacquainted and touches (a lot) on Jess and how he feels about the separation.

As with the last chapter, italics are scenes from the past. They're not always in chronological order, just snippets from the seven years they were apart.

Disclaimer: Nothing recognizable belongs to me.

* * *

_My face coming down in streaks__  
__All alone with your things, the apartment still ringing__  
__Clean up and make my start__  
__Not the way I hoped for__  
__Welcome to New York_

_

* * *

_

By the time Jess arrived home, Rory had already gone through his collection of books and was reading quietly on his couch with a cup of coffee. She looked up immediately when she heard the key in the lock.

Jess wasn't sure whether to be surprised or peeved that she was actually still there. Either way, she was dressed in a pair of jeans and crisp white t-shirt. She had obviously gone outside to grab a few things. He wondered why she hadn't stayed at a hotel to be alone for a few days instead of treating his apartment like a free Motel 6.

He said nothing to her and hung his keys on the hook by the door. It wasn't making things better by not talking, but it wasn't making things worse either. He felt her eyes at the back of his head, and he poured himself a cup of coffee while trying to ignore her stares.

"Are you going to say anything?" she asked finally, draping the paperback over her knee.

"I was actually going to wait for you to speak up," he said, excusing his silence. "I remember you saying that we going to tell me why you're here."

"I told you why I was here," she said, trying to defend herself before they started arguing.

"You gave me a brief outline, but never really told me why you're here with me. In New York."

"I just started feeling bad about what happened-"

"What happened?"

"You know. With us."

"Just now?" he asked. "You just started feeling bad about what happened?"

Rory shook her head. "See, this is why I didn't want to say anything. I knew you'd get like this. Irrational."

"Irrational?" his voice broke, making the last syllables squeak. "I think expecting you to be fair is pretty rational."

"Fair?"

"Yeah. Like you speaking to me at some point."

"You're the one who skipped town. You haven't been back there in seven years. It's not like I could have run into you at Luke's in the morning." She pointed her finger accusingly at him.

"I didn't have a choice! And there was no reason to go back there. My life was in California," he argued.

"And now you're in New York."

"My life is in New York now," he explained.

"So it was easier to transition from California to New York, but difficult to merge California and Connecticut?"

"Yes! Transition and merge are two different things!" Jess was aware that he was raising his voice. He had planned to keep his emotions in check, but Rory was already pushing him to the edge.

"Whatever." She picked the book back up and started to read.

Quickly, Jess snapped the book out of her hands. "This is _my_ apartment," he said, tossing the book on the couch. "_You_ came to _me_ for comfort and support, that whole load of shit. The least you can do is give me an actual explanation."

Rory was shocked at his sudden rage. "I just wanted to see you because I was wondering if maybe things could have been different."

Jess sighed and handed her the book. "Okay. I guess that's good enough." He walked away and left the coffee abandoned on the counter in favor of a beer from the fridge.

* * *

_"Home sweet home," Jess said, unlocking his apartment door. It was a small, quaint place that he shared with Patrick. "Pat moved the couch over so I could put the air mattress there."_

_ "That's nice," Luke said, setting his bag down by the inflatable mattress. "You know I could have just paid for a hotel," he reminded Jess. "I don't want to get in the way."_

_ "No! No, it's fine," Jess said. "You don't have a car and I know the area better."_

_ "I can rent a car and buy a map," Luke reasoned. He really didn't want to intrude and space was a lot smaller than he hoped. After all, it was a low rate apartment that two college students were renting. And there was one bathroom and a small living space. They were all sure to butt heads during the week. _

_ "How about this – you try it out and if you don't like it here, we'll find a room," Jess proposed. _

_ "Okay. I guess that would be…okay," Luke relented, knowing that he would need to find a vacant hotel soon._

_

* * *

_

He couldn't correct papers knowing that she was in the other room. Jess secretly wanted to make nice with her and try to bond over old times. At the very least, he wanted to feel out the next day or two just to see how they acted around each other. If only a couple of years had changed them, he could only imagine what had happened in the seven.

There were just so many questions he wanted her to answer. It was so weird to know that she was probably going to be engaged by the end of the week after leaving his apartment. Part of him didn't want to let her go just because of that fact. He had lost her before and he didn't want to lose her again, not that he actually had her this time around.

It was difficult to admit that they weren't even friends anymore. Friends knew things about each other. All he knew about present day Rory Gilmore was that she had graduated from Harvard University and was set to be engaged soon. That was all. She was just an older version of herself, same hair, same bright blue eyes, albeit gracing a slimmer figure. But she was also no longer his. And they were no longer friends.

Or were they? Even after all the time they spent apart with unanswered letter and questions. Were they still friends? Could a friendship like theirs survive potholes and seven years without speaking?

* * *

_"Do you write to her just to make her cry?" Luke asked, after opening his own Christmas card._

_"No. I told you that already," Jess said. _

_"I didn't know if something had changed in the last three years," Luke said._

_"Things have changed in the last three years, just nothing that has to do with her." Jess didn't even want to use her name. Both he and Luke knew whom he was talking about anyway. _

_"Okay. As long as you're sure."_

_"I'm sure," Jess answered adamantly. "I sent you a card and I don't want you to cry."_

_"You're also talking to me right now. That's different," he reminded Jess._

_"I guess so."_

_"Were you ever going to sort this out like adults?" Luke asked._

_"What's there to sort out?" Jess asked._

_"The stuff that happened between you two," Luke said._

_"There isn't anything to talk about," Jess said. "And she has a boyfriend. Why rip open the wound?"_

_"I don't know. Why send her a Christmas card?"_

_

* * *

_

"It's so weird to see you up so early," Jess said, polishing off his coffee. He stood for a refill and handed Rory a new mug that was filled to the brim.

"I got used to it because of work," Rory said, sitting at the opposite side of the table. "I guess it's a hard habit to break."

"Guess so," Jess said, taking a sip of his second cup of coffee.

"So you teach?" Rory asked, still trying to wrap her head around his profession.

"Yeah. You seem so shocked about that," Jess said. "I don't seem like a teacher?"

Rory shrugged. "I don't know. I don't really know what you were going for in college."

Pursing his lips, Jess turned his coffee cup. "I didn't know either. I guess it was just a logical choice. I got a job, didn't I? Couldn't work at Luke's forever."

"I didn't mean that. Plus, you haven't stepped foot in Luke's for years."

"No kidding," Jess said, nipping it in the bud. "What did you end up doing, Christiane Amanpour?"

"Nothing glamorous," Rory answered, playing with her own cup. "I did some freelance writing that went unnoticed and then I got a small job at the Harford Courant."

"You like it?" Jess asked, checking the time.

"Yeah."

"Well that's what counts, isn't it?" he asked.

"Do you like to teach?" she asked.

"I think so," he said, smiling out of the corner of his mouth. "Wouldn't do me any good to change my mind now, would it?"

"It's not too late," Rory said.

"It's never too late," Jess said, taking another sip of coffee. "But I like my classes. They're mostly great kids. And I don't know what else I would do instead."

"Good."

They sat with their respective cups of coffee and Jess smiled internally at the fact that they just had their first proper conversation with limited head butting.

* * *

_Luke scoffed. "You're gonna be a teacher?"_

_ "Yeah."_

_ "Mold young minds?"_

_ "Yeah."_

_ "ABCs and 123s?"_

_ Jess laughed. "I hope by the time they get to high school that my students will already know those things."_

_ He could hear Luke draw in a breath on the other line. "Well, I think it's good. Great," he corrected. "Glad you found something you like."_

_ "Yeah. Me too."_

_

* * *

_

"Does anyone have any questions?" Jess asked, looking around the classroom. He was met with the chorus of shaking heads. "Okay. Good. Remember that you have my number and that you can call me during the project if you need anything cleared up." Jess wasn't generally bombarded with phone calls during a project, but he figured an exceptionally tough one would probably do the trick. "Class dismissed," he said after a moment of silence, just in case someone actually had a question.

Jess hopped off his desk as his class and filed out of the classroom after his students, locking the door behind him. It had already been a long day, and he was thankful that this was the last class he needed to teach before his office hours started. Stomach growling, Jess decided to get his lunch out of the refrigerator in the faculty lounge.

The sandwich he had thrown together that morning while Rory was sitting at the table was soggy and near inedible. Sighing, Jess dropped the top of the bread into the trash and proceeded to eat the ham and cheese off the bottom slice of bread. Checking his watch, he noticed that his office hours were set to start in ten minutes. Quickly, he finished his lunch and wiped the mustard from the corners of his mouth. Grabbing the Tupperware container from his place at the table, Jess left the faculty lounge.

Tuesdays were generally busy for Jess because he needed to clock in office hours for extra help after class before he set off to go to his grad class. Usually, Jess had plenty of time to swing by his apartment and relax before going to class. Today, Jess was hoping that someone would show up for assistance on an assignment so that he didn't have time to go home and rest.

He wasn't sure what time Rory expected him to come home tonight. He wondered if she expected him to drop everything so that they could make amends. Had she even come to make amends? It sounded like that to Jess when she claimed to want to see if things could have been different.

Could he even allow amends to be made, though? Even with all the pining he had done, and he wouldn't admit to pining, there was just something about this confrontation that didn't feel right. Perhaps it was because Rory did just show up out of the blue, unannounced. It seemed to Jess that everyone was behind that decision, mostly because no one had protested and Luke appeared to be unnaturally calm about it when he talked to him.

No matter what happened for the remainder of the week, Rory would leave. She would walk out again and leave him _again._ Maybe that was why he was so uneasy about the entire arrangement. Maybe it had nothing to do with her abrupt visit or the fact that she actually seemed to remorse over their past situation. Maybe the unsettled feeling in his stomach had nothing to do with the previously consumed ham.

It was quite possible that Jess was just nauseous in thinking about the back of her head. The back of her head as she walked out of his life again. Because that day was steadily approaching. And after she found all the answers she came to find, what else would be keeping her there?

He sat at his desk, red pen in hand, with his grade book open as the minutes ticked by noisily, counted by the clock on the wall. Each tick from the clock brought him closer to leaving the building, closer to going home, closer to seeing Rory, closer to being rejected.


	3. Like the Aerosmith Song

I lost power for a couple of days, so I've been scrambling to catch up on typing and posting and this chapter was giving me a bit of an issue. Basically, I've been agonizing over this chapter and not doing anything with it. I just felt like something was missing and had no idea how to fix it. I think now that I've gotten the next chapter started that what I wanted to resolve in this chapter can happen swiftly. I just want to put this out quickly: I meant for this to be Jess centric. I want this to be his story; _he_ was being independent and living his life and this is what _she _walked into – _his_ life. I just want to emphasize that. Rory spilling her guts, so to speak, is coming. This is only the second day, so anything can happen!

Disclaimer: Nothing recognizable belongs to me.

* * *

_this is so you, this is what you do._  
_you'd rather make do than make a move._  
_what'll it take now how do I make this matter enough to you?_

_say you're a mess, say it's a shame._  
_why can't you at least pretend?_  
_say I should leave, you're over me._  
_say something, say anything, anything - please._

* * *

Ultimately, Jess decided not to go back to his apartment before leaving for his grad class. He had forgotten his things in his classroom on Monday when he studied and prepared for the next class during his break. Rory had shown up when he needed to do this on Sunday. He had been so caught off guard that he had barely cracked open the book since she had arrived.

He was filling his head with knowledge when one of his coworkers stopped to knock at his door. Jess had closed the door when his office hours were over. The light was on, so if a student still needed him they could knock. "Come in," he said.

Savannah was one of the lower level English teachers. Whereas Jess taught mostly average level and honors classes, Savannah was stuck with basic level and freshmen courses. She had started a year after Jess, even though she was about his age. They shared quite a few things, but attraction they did not. Jess knew Savannah had a thing for him, but he wasn't really interested for different reasons.

"I'm surprised you're still here," Savannah said, sitting on the corner of his desk. Her pencil skirt rose so that Jess could see the black slip resting at the slit. "I thought maybe someone left the light on."

"I was just studying," Jess explained.

"Yeah. Grad school," Savannah said. "That's usually why you're out of here pretty quick though, isn't it?"

Jess had made up plenty of excuses to get out of going anywhere with Savannah. One of those excuses had been his grad class and how he needed to go home and prepare before class started. "My apartment is being repainted," he said. "Paint fumes, you know. Pretty distracting."

"Okay." She nodded. "No time for coffee?"

Jess checked his watch. "Probably not," he said. "I have to get going soon."

"You always seem to need to be somewhere," she said.

"Yeah, well. I'm just a busy person," Jess explained weakly. He did like Savannah, really, but she was more of a friend to him than anyone else, and he had learned from past mistakes that friends stay friends and nothing more.

He really did need to get going, though. There was going to be traffic and there was no reason for him to be late. Part of him felt bad because he didn't humor Savannah, but Jess was just being reasonable. "Maybe some other time?" he offered.

"Sure," she said. "Some other time."

Jess starting tucking his books into his messenger bag and hung it casually over his shoulder. "I'll see you tomorrow," he said, both ushering her out and flicking off the light at the same time. He locked his door even though Monty, the janitor, would be looking to get into his classroom in the next few minutes. It was just a habit to lock the doors after leaving.

He and Savannah parted ways by the main office as Jess headed in to check his mailbox and she started down to the auditorium to supervise the theater group that was about to start. "Hi Cindy," Jess said, making his presence known to the secretary. She smiled up at him cheerfully and continued to type up the document she was working on.

"The sign up deadline for the teacher student softball game is tomorrow," she reminded him as he grabbed a couple of flyers out of his box.

Jess laughed. "Do I look athletic to you? I'm an English teacher."

"I think that's the whole point, but it's always fun and you never participate in these things," Cindy reminded him. "And most of your students have a soft spot for you."

Blushing, Jess shoved the junk mail into the front pocket of his messenger bag. "I'll think about it."

"I'm just saying that you should be more involved. You're very closeted, Jess. I bet if you did something over than attend staff meetings that you'd be able to do more."

"Do more?" Jess asked.

"You know. Run the paper, work on the yearbook, all the fun stuff that you're missing out on. You have a degree in literature _and_ communications."

He laughed. "How do you know that?"

"Who do you think went through your application?"

"Oh." Jess shifted his eyes downward. He liked the idea of participating in bigger, better things at school, but everything he did already was time consuming, especially grad school.

"I get that you're busy, I'm just saying that you should think about it," Cindy repeating, securing her headband over her curly brown hair. "Start small. Like with a softball game."

He cracked a half smile. "I guess it couldn't kill me."

"You like it here. Everyone else seems to like you here. Might as well have fun too, hmm?" she said.

"Yeah."

"Good. Now, go to class or you're going to be late," she instructed, looking at the time. "What are you still doing here anyway?"

Jess sighed. "Personal stuff. I'll fill you in some other time."

"Okay. See you tomorrow."

He had to wonder why he didn't think he could face Rory right now. Was it a personal issue, like after all this time he was not over her? Or was it just a preference because they hadn't seen each other in so many years and he felt that they had nothing in common anymore?

* * *

_Jess and Patrick had run a very quiet, music-centric show that night. Their pizza delivery was spread out around the floor as the sat with paper plates. _

_ "You want to talk about it?" Pat asked, ripping his crust in half._

_ "Not much to talk about," Jess said, grabbing another slice of pizza from the box. _

_ "You're playing the angriest set list known to man," Pat pointed out. "You have to say something eventually. All you told me is that you guys broke up."_

_ "Yeah. And it sucked. End of story."_

_ "But you're friends."_

_ "Well, not anymore." Jess scoffed before biting the point of his pizza slice._

_ "Uh?"_

_ "I wanted to be friends. As in, just friends. Like, just for now," Jess said, scantily elaborating. _

_ "Okay." Patrick nodded. Jess was still bitter and didn't want to talk about it. He knew the feeling all too well._

* * *

"I have never seen you take less notes than me during a lecture," Dennis said as he and Jess packed up their things. "And here I thought I was the only one who though McAllen was boring as shit."

"I just have a lot on my mind," Jess said, trying not to embellish. He had lived in the same building with Dennis since he started grad school at Columbia. Dennis was just about to finish with his degree, but Jess had lagged a little when he first started teaching. It was nice to have a friend in class and in his building, but there was a limit on how much sharing went on between them.

"Figured," Dennis said. "Anyway, I'm up for a beer. Want to come?"

"Nah," Jess said. There was only so much time he could stay away from his apartment. And Rory. "I'm not really in a going out mood."

"Okay." Dennis picked up his bag and started toward the door. "I think I'll just go home then. Drinking alone just isn't thrilling."

"Sorry," Jess said. "I'll take a rain check, though."

"Sounds good."

They parted ways in the parking lot and again in the lobby to go in different directions. Jess found himself playing with his hair, trying to style it quickly before the elevator arrived at his floor.

He paused, waiting until the perfect moment to open his front door. He could hear a voice inside, Rory, obviously, and it sounded like she was on the phone. He dropped his bag lightly and leaned against the door to listen.

"No, mom. I have no idea what's going to happen," Rory said.

"But you told him why you were there?" Lorelai asked, trying desperately to work some answers out of her daughter.

Rory sighed. "We haven't really talked, okay? He's gone a lot because he's teaching and I guess is going to grad school. I thought things would be going differently, I guess."

"Like how?"

"I don't know," she said. "Jess is so different. He's a different person. Cold, bitter. I don't know. Grown up?"

"Jaded," Lorelai said. "He's jaded."

"Like that Aerosmith song?" Rory asked.

"Listen, babe. You and Jess have had a rocky past, okay? You walked away and he basically left himself detached for these past years. He's even tried to contact you a zillion times and you never gave him the light of day. How do you think he's going to react when you just walk into his life again with an engagement ring on your finger?"

Rory sunk into the couch pillows. Everything her mother said made sense. There was no reason Jess shouldn't be acting cold, and well, _jaded._ She had left him, she had ignored him, and now she was the one seeking condolences. "Yeah."

"So you gotta give him a chance," Lorelai said. "You can't expect to fall into any kind of friendship right away."

Rory sighed. "I know. I just wish I had done it sooner. After a while, it just seemed silly. Right now when I'm in this situation, I just want my best friend."

"Well, you need to think long and hard about this," Lorelai reminded her. "Why are you there and not here with Matt?"

"I don't know."

"So you have some more thinking to do."

"Yeah."

"I have to go," Lorelai said. "Give me an update, okay Sweets?"

"Okay. Love you, mom." Rory closed her cell phone and slipped it back in her purse. She folded her legs Indian style before staring at her left hand. The diamond stared back at her, all two carats of it. He was so generous to her, loved her so much, and she took off with the promise of letting him know when she returned. Sighing, Rory turned the diamond around so that she could just see the band and then slipped the ring off her finger. She paused, wondering if she should put the ring back on or put it in her purse. It almost felt insulting to keep the ring off, so she slid it back on her ring finger.

Jess sat outside his door trying to dissect Rory's portion of the conversation. He would have killed to hear everything Lorelai was saying to her. His leg was starting to fall asleep as he sat there. Eventually, he was going to need to go inside and face the music. Sighing, he got to his feet and cringed as his knee cracked upon standing. The key slipped in the lock and he creaked open the door slowly.

"Hey," Rory greeted him. "You're home late."

"Yeah," Jess said. "I had classes to teach and then class to attend." He dropped his bag by the door and hung his keys on the hook. "Keeping yourself entertained?"

"For the most part," she said. "You don't have cable."

Jess shrugged. "I'm not a big TV person. Why pay extra for it if I'm not going to use it?" He kicked off his black dress shoes and pushed them over to the door. His feet were aching because he didn't take the time to come home and put on a pair of Chucks. He wondered if he could hide his Vans under his black pants the next morning or if anyone would notice.

His tie hung loosely around his neck with the top two buttons of his dark blue shirt unbuttoned. The grey undershirt he wore peeked out from the opening, along with sparse chest hair. She diverted her eyes after they lingered a bit too long.

Rory went back to the book she had been reading before she called Lorelai and Jess padded over to the refrigerator to see what was inside. "Do you eat?" he asked suddenly.

"Huh?"

"Yeah. Do you eat?" he repeated.

"'Course I do," she said.

"Just asking. 'Cause you're skinny as fuck and none of my food's missing." Jess selected a beer from the door rack and shut the fridge with his foot. Fishing in his pocket for his other key ring, Jess pulled out the bottle opener and popped the cap off.

"I've gone out," Rory answered. "It felt wrong eating your food. You were nice enough to let me eat cereal with you in the morning."

"Okay," Jess said. "Well, eat. I'm teacher, but I'm not poor. I can afford another load of groceries after you leave."

"Oh. Okay," Rory said meekly.

"Yeah. You want anything now?" he asked, putting his beer down on the counter.

She shrugged. "I didn't look."

"Okay. So get up and open the fridge," he instructed. Jess boosted himself up on the granite counter and pushed the toaster off to the side.

The way she walked was different. It was graceful and she rose up a bit on her toes like a dancer or someone who was accustomed to wearing high heels all the time.

"How do you eat like this day in and day out?" Rory asked, staring in the refrigerator. "Soy milk? Tofu? Broccoli?" She grimaced and shut the fridge. "I knew you would turn into Luke sooner or later."

"Hey," he said in mock offense. "Take that back."

"You're a mini Luke now," she teased. "Now all you need is a flannel shirt and a baseball cap."

Jess wrinkled his nose and set down his beer before hopping off the counter. "Take it back," he threatened jokingly, starting after her.

She giggled as he chased her around the kitchen and through the living room until they collapsed in a lump on the couch. She was gasping for breath giddily as he threw his head back to laugh. They were sitting fairly close as he lolled his head toward her.

"I feel like I'm eight again," she gasped, grinning.

"I'm going to guess you want to order some Chinese?" Jess asked, getting to his feet and offering Rory a hand.

"Sounds like a good plan."


	4. Wasted Time

If you have stalked my profile, or know me, you know that my uncle died suddenly of a heart attack last week. I've just been on a short hiatus being with my family and grieving. I'm sure everyone understands. I didn't want to post just an author's note because I had big plans for this chapter and I wasn't going to tease. Two of my favorite parts to write so far are in this chapter, so I hope you enjoy them and kudos to anyone who can figure out which ones.

I edited out a huge chuck of Rory from this chapter because it was getting uncharacteristically long and I felt that it would fit better in the next chapter, as there is plenty of description here without it. I'm pacing the story along slower that I would usually because Rory only has a week with Jess, so I really want to focus on that. Also note that Rory is leaning on marriage and she and Jess do have some morals, never mind the fact that Jess is still a bit bruised from her last departure, so I can't promise anything physical as of yet.

Phew. Sorry about the super long note. Thanks for reading and don't forget to review, as they keep me motivated! I will try to respond if I have time!

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything.

* * *

_Maybe I am different, maybe I'm a fool  
I wonder if it's worth it, trying to find another you  
_

_What are we heading for?__  
__What do I dare again?__  
__Once beaten, twice shy__  
__And still we haven't learned_

_

* * *

_

Jess wrapped his lo mein around his chopsticks as he and Rory sat on the sofa. He had changed out of his work clothes and was wearing a dark shirt and a pair of jeans. It had been too long since he had eaten out of a cardboard box while sitting in the living room. Life had just gotten away from him, he guessed. It was disheartening, but that was just the way things had to be.

"So you're getting married."

Rory almost choked on her beef teriyaki. "Ease into dinner conversation, why don't you?" she asked, dropping the rest of her teriyaki into the box.

"Sorry," he said.

"It was just blunt," she said, wiping the sauce from the corners of her mouth. "And I don't know if I'm getting married yet."

"You're wearing the ring."

"It feels weird not wearing the ring," she admitted, turning it on her finger. There was no way she was going to be able to keep eating through this chat.

Jess had sensed that she was nervous, but at least she was talking. It was really all he wanted, that and an explanation. He dipped back into the box for more lo mein before he continued. "But you love him, don't you?"

Rory pursed her lips, trying to decide what to say. This was something she would discuss with her best friend, but not her ex-boyfriend. "Yeah," she squeaked, as if it were obvious. "Of _course_ I love him."

"Of course."

"He's great."

"I bet he is."

Rory nodded. "He is," she repeated.

"I wonder if he has a name, though." Jess stuck his chopsticks in the lo mein and swirled until the noodles tangled around the wood.

"Matthew. Matt," Rory said.

He nodded, wondering if he even wanted to know more. "How long have you and Matt been together?" he asked. He put down the carton to stop fidgeting.

"A little over three years."

A little over three years. Much longer than they had been together. He grabbed for the carton of lo mein to busy his hands again. Asking questions might have been a mistake. "That's…good," he said weakly, after realizing that she was looking at him rather expectantly.

"Yeah." She stared down at her beef teriyaki, hoping for the right answers. "Maybe we shouldn't talk about him."

"I thought that was the reason you were here," Jess said, pressing on. All or nothing. Might as well.

She paused. "Well, yeah. I guess. But…" Rory trailed off, her eyes darting from the teriyaki to Jess.

"So why shouldn't we talk then?"

"I don't know," Rory said. "This just feels awkward right now. I came here because I needed a friend that wouldn't judge me. I feel like you're judging me."

"I'm not judging you. And why couldn't you have gone to a friend that actually lived near you?" he asked suddenly.

"Because you know me!" she said. "You know me better than anyone."

Jess scoffed and tossed his lo mein on the coffee table. "You're kidding me, right? I know jack shit about you, Gilmore."

"You'd be able to tell if I was making a mistake."

"How? How would I know if you were making a mistake? I don't know you and I don't know him."

"You do too. You do too…know me." She trailed off.

Jess shook his head. "This conversation was a bad idea."

"I know it was."

Jess went back to his Chinese food and tried not to point out the awkward silence. There had been a time when there was no such thing as an awkward silence between them.

"So how's grad school?" Rory asked, hoping to start another conversation that didn't involve her potential marriage.

"It's okay," Jess said. "It's…educational."

Unable to hide it, Rory cracked a smile. She loved Jess and his vague answers. It was one of the many reasons she gravitated towards him. "Sounds great," she said.

"Yeah. It'll be nice to finally get the degree and move on. Maybe then I can have a social life. If I'm not too old by the time I finally finish with school." He smiled out of the corner of his mouth. "What about you?"

"What about me?" Rory asked, wondering why he could only talk about himself for so long before shifting the subject to her life.

"Yeah. I know you have a job and all, but have you considered going back to school?"

Had she? Yes. Rory didn't know if the money allowed, as she was still paying off her share of the Harvard loans. Financially, she wasn't even sure how Jess had jumped from Stanford to Columbia. Luke had put aside plenty of money, but it wouldn't have covered Stanford, let alone Columbia, if he were even still paying. Plus now that she was settling down, how would she be able to move to grad school as a wife and eventually a mother? Could she tell Jess that, though? "Not really." Nope.

"Just figured you would," Jess said, shrugging.

Their conversation tapered off as they finished eating dinner. It had been somewhat successful, to say the least. Rory was glad they had gotten the painful chat about Matthew out of the way while they still had the chance to further bond.

"I have to grade stuff and go to bed," Jess said, starting to pick up the trash and clear food from his coffee table.

Rory nodded and started to help him toss the empty containers. "Early morning tomorrow?" she asked.

He nodded. "Really early."

"I guess I'll probably see you in the morning then?" she asked.

"Yeah," he said. "I'll make the coffee."

She nodded her thanks. "Good night, Jess."

"Night, Rory."

* * *

_ "I don't understand why you can't just go on a date," Luke said._

_ "I have been on _plenty_ of dates," Jess reasoned, sipping his coffee._

_ They were sitting in a small café near his apartment. What had started out as innocent small talk had turned into Luke jumping down his throat about the pining he wasn't doing._

_ "And?" Luke pressed._

_ "And it didn't work out," Jess said with a shrug. "I've gotten laid plenty of times, in case you were about to ask if I was getting a cat." Jess smirked, knowing the statement would either irritate or horrify Luke._

_ Luke did cringe, but he realized Jess had told him that mainly for the reaction. It was just fun for Jess to see him squirm. "Well, that's great," Luke said._

_ "Yup."_

_ "You're twenty-two."_

_ "Really? I didn't get that memo."_

_ "I just mean that you should get out more," Luke said._

_ "No offense, but are you really the guy to give me dating advice?" Jess asked. "You never even leave the diner."_

_ "I'm not really giving you any advice," Luke said._

_ "Okay, so what _are_ you doing then? Jess asked._

_ "Making a point."_

_ "So make it."_

_ "You have spent over two years trying to get over Rory. That's longer than you were even together. If you went out and dated, maybe you would find someone else."_

_ Jess rolled his eyes. "There's plenty of fish in the sea. Blah, blah, blah. I know the whole speech. I've gotten it before. I just don't want to date, okay? I didn't see the point before I with Rory and I don't suddenly see the point now."_

_ "Okay. Just know that you could be passing up something by being hung up on the same person for so long," Luke warned. "It might even make you happy."_

_ "Sure, whatever," Jess said, brushing him off again._

_

* * *

_

"Why don't you have real milk?" Rory asked, closing the refrigerator door. She had yet to ask him and was sick of eating her cereal dry in the morning.

"I'm lactose intolerant," Jess answered, briefly looking up from pouring soy milk on his cornflakes.

"Lactose intolerant?" Rory scoffed. "You are not."

Jess nodded and sloshed his corn flakes around in the bowl. "Yeah, I am."

"No. Since when?"

"I guess about six years," Jess said. "I just started having trouble digesting dairy, so my doctor harassed me about tests and here we are." He shrugged. "No big deal. I just drink soy milk and eat lactose free everything."

"What about ice cream?" Rory asked.

"Lactaid pills. It's not a permanent solution, but then I can eat some dairy products after I take them."

"Oh." Rory drank some of her coffee. It was weird, some of the things she didn't know about Jess.

"I've got to get going soon," Jess said, getting up to put his bowl in the sink. He grabbed a travel mug to pour some coffee in and did a once over of his clothes. He paused to straighten his tie and make sure his pants covered the Vans logo on the side of his sneakers. "Feel free to go in my bedroom," he said. "That's where all the good books you've been looking for are hiding."

Rory grinned. "Are you sure it isn't going to be an invasion of privacy?" she asked.

"I'm inviting you in," Jess pointed out.

"Yeah," Rory said. "I just didn't want to be where I shouldn't." She paused. "Thank you."

Ignoring her babbling, Jess breezed out of the kitchen to brush his teeth.

Rory nursed her coffee and tried to think of something else to say.

"I'll be back by five, hopefully," Jess said, emerging with his jacket already on and his messenger bag slung over his shoulder.

"Okay." She nodded mechanically and watched him shut the door as he left.

* * *

Jess Mariano had been on his fair share of dates. It had taken a year for him to fully kick dirt over his wounds, but he had buried any thoughts that led back to her. Or so he let people believe. Patrick had set him up with a girl once, but he never called her back because she was a double major in communications and international relations. When Patrick asked why, Jess shrugged and claimed she just wasn't his type.

There was one girl from his European literature class that Jess asked out for coffee. Coffee became dinner and dinner became sex. But all bets were off as soon as Jess discovered that she hated Hemingway and loved Ayn Rand.

He knew small similarities were unavoidable and not something to base a relationship on, but he still strived to find someone who was completely different.

Jess met Liza in the beginning of his senior year at Stanford. She was strong and independent, well read and well versed – a psychology major to boot. He didn't like her instantly, but she did grow on him.

They sat in class and engaged in small talk before they started dating. As it was becoming his first serious relationship since dating again, Jess tried to learn from his mistakes. He became the ideal boyfriend and felt that he was getting the same attention back. Jess even stepped up and left his toothbrush and a change of clothes at Liza's apartment.

Three months with Liza was all it took for Jess to blow the dirt off his scars. Every little thing Liza did was compared to Rory. His heart ached to even think about her. And then Liza found on Jess planned to move back east for grad school.

Oddly enough, Jess and Liza broke up merely because of her reaction to his decision of moving east and not the fact that they would be holding onto a long distance relationship. Jess wasn't even sure he could stomach another long distance relationship and the turmoil it brought ever again, but the potential move was enough for him to cut ties early.

After Jess moved east, he started dating women left and right. Part of that was just to cover up the daily pain he felt and the need to move on. No one suited him. No one complemented him. And so, he send card after card in the hopes that Rory would at least pick up the phone to say hello.

His hopes waned as he grew older. He slept with women more than he dated them and received flak from Luke because he was passing up the same opportunities he did in life. With grad school and teaching, Jess buried himself in work and barely left his apartment for anything that didn't involve education. School had become his life and he was becoming the kind of teacher he would have laughed at years ago.

Everyone always asked how he was single, being the "catch" that he was, and he always offered up a smirk or a shy smile and the explanation of being busy or that the right person hadn't come along yet.

Well, at least part of that was on base.

The right person had come along, but she had swiftly left.

Left him in the dust.

And Jess could not help but incessantly pine, the one thing he promised himself that he would never do.

* * *

At the end of the day, Jess packed up his things and headed over to the main office to pick up his mail and wait for the staff meeting to begin. It had been a long day, but his spirits were still pretty high. The day wasn't draining him at all. There had been an inquiry on when the projects would be graded, the assignment Jess had simply pushed aside due to Rory return, but that was the only thing that was weighing down on his mind.

There were still students rummaging through lockers, changing from dress shoes to sneakers, and slipping pants on under their pleated skirts, as Jess navigated through the hallway to Cindy in the main office.

He leaned casually against her desk. "So if I were to hypothetically sign up for the teacher student softball game," Jess said, "how would I go about doing that?"

Cindy grinned and pulled out one of the pens that secured her hair in the tight bun. "Well, _hypothetically_, you would tell me you wanted to sign up and I'd give you the list." She handed him a clipboard with the sign up sheet clasped shut against the wood. "And you'd sign your name." She winked at him. "Hypothetically, of course." She retracted the clipboard, tucked the pen back into her hair-do, and pushed her glasses back up the bridge of her nose.

Jess rolled his eyes and leaned against Cindy's desk. "You're not going to make this easy for me, are you?"

"Make what easy?" she asked in a syrupy sweet voice.

Jess rolled his eyes again. "Okay. I want to sign up for the teacher student softball game."

Grinning, Cindy grabbed the clipboard and took the pen out of her hair again. "Sign your name. I wish I could get this blood."

Jess raised an eyebrow and smirked as he accepted the pen and clipboard before adding his name to the bottom of the list and signing with a flourish. Jess was actually in the mood for small talk with Cindy, and he glanced at her expectantly as he let the clipboard hover over her desk.

"You seem like you're in a good mood today," she noted, accepting the clipboard and the smile.

"I'm okay," he said.

"Knock me dead with a feather, Mariano. I can see right through that smirk of yours." She rolled her eyes and pushed her desk chair away from the desk to tuck away the clipboard.

"Please. I'm not that transparent," he argued, dropping his bag on the floor. It was obvious he was going to be standing by Cindy's desk a bit longer before the staff meeting.

"You are. I've known you for years." She pointed a finger at him. "You got laid last night."

Jess cringed and peaked into the hallway. "Jesus. Say it louder. It's not like we're in a Catholic school or anything. I don't want my students to think I'm easy."

She laughed heartily. "Because Jess Mariano is man of virtues and morals." He smirked again. "Yeah, I didn't think so."

A thin flush spread across his cheeks. "I did not "get laid" last night," he said, using his fingers for air quotes. "I just had a conversation with an old friend. It was nice."

"Sure," Cindy said. "And the sky's blue."

"Actually, it is. Last I checked, anyway."

"Whatever," Cindy said, brushing off his statement. She looked at the clock on the opposite wall. "You're trying to hold me up, aren't you?" she asked.

"For what? The meeting?" he asked, tilting his head to view the time.

"No, lunch," she scoffed. "Of course, the meeting. Come on." She smoothed the wrinkles from her skirt and hustled Jess along, who grabbed his mail from his box as she shoved him into the conference room.

* * *

Rory was getting bored just sitting around the empty apartment. At first, she was leery about poking into Jess's private things, but she eventually creaked open his door. She was shocked at the sheer amount of books that lined his walls. Except for the space his bed, desk, and closet occupied, the entire room was full of books.

The corners of his sheets were folded over and a pair of wire-rimmed glasses lay against the top of a book on his nightstand. Jess made his bed? Jess wore glasses? Since when? Jess was right; she really didn't know anything about him.

Rory dropped into the desk chair and studied the surface. His textbook was sitting on his desk next to a binder. Carefully, Rory flipped up the lid of the book and scanned the pages. She may have been the valedictorian in high school, but Jess was definitely pulling ahead of her. Sighing, Rory shut the book and allowed her eyes to wander around the room.

It was a comfortable set up, but it was obvious that Jess didn't spend as much time in his room as he did the rest of the apartment. Rory wondered what women thought when he brought them home. Did he bring women home? He had to – this was Jess after all. The same Jess that wouldn't settle on a long-term relationship until they dated. How much had changed in his dating life compared with his every day life? Who was she to say that he wasn't in a relationship now? At this point, Jess could be sharing an underwear drawer or closet space and she wouldn't know because it wasn't something he would tell her.

It felt intrusive, and wasn't her at all, but Rory jumped out her seat and opened the dresser drawers. All of his weekend and after school clothing, save for the undershirts and boxers, were folded neatly and tucked in the drawer. Not one scrap of pink or lace. The closet was the same, but all of his button down shirts, ties, and black and khaki pants lived in there. A row of shoes ran across the lower part of the closet. There were two colors of Converse Chuck Taylors, a space where his Vans usually rested, and two pairs of dress shoes. In the back of the closet rested a black guitar case.

Rory never knew Jess to be so organized. When they were together and Jess lived at Luke's, all his clothes were just shoved in the drawers and his shoes disappeared into the abyss under his bed. Sighing, Rory shut the closet door. Snooping was not her first intention when she entered the room. She felt like such a…snoop! Trying to focus on what Jess really had in mind when letting her in his room, she neared the bookcases.

At first look, Rory couldn't figure out the organization. She was sure Jess had some system worked out, but it was something she could ignore at the moment. His vast collection of Hemingway novels sat on one shelf. All his favorites were in one place, separated from the rest of his books in the other room. Mentally marking where the books she wanted to read were located, Rory scanned the second bookcase before her eyes fell on a particular name.

_Jess Mariano_.

Her fingers grabbed for the book and she sat on the floor, hands shaking. It was a thin paperback volume that was covered in a layer of dust and was so pristine that she bet it had never been opened. The cover of the book stared back at her as the minutes ticked by. She couldn't bring herself to open the book, never mind start reading it.

Sticking to what was easy, Rory carefully spread open the cover and turned the first page. Her eyes caught the dedication and her breath caught in her throat.

_To Rory - My inspiration for everything. Sometimes the words unsaid always make the most impact._

She read the dedication over and over again, but she still couldn't process it in her mind. A tingle ran down her spine and she shoved the little paperback into the gap in the shelf where she had taken it. Her stomach clenched as she got up and ran into his bathroom to throw up in the sink.


End file.
